I had a rough time of it yesterday. I was feeling icky and tired, missed my mid-day workout, which usually helps me feel a little better, and when I got home from work, I spiraled into a messy, useless train of thought: naming all of the things I desire to be different, but which I feel helpless or powerless to change at the moment.
What came next is probably no surprise: I felt guilty for feeling down, because I recognized that there are huge limitations to this way of thinking. Sure, there are improvements and changes to be made, moves that I do want to make in my life {and all of this is very general, because the list itself is not what's critical here and now}, but lost in the din and tedium of wishing and planning is the quieter, more intentional act of acknowledging and finding joy in all the good work that has already been done, personally, professionally, physically, spiritually.
Reflecting on the present moment is something we talk about a lot, but practicing mindfulness is sometimes much harder to achieve on a daily basis when we're just plain exhausted and run down. Of course there couldn't be a more critical moment than these fitful, anxious ones, to consider the good stuff and climb out of the spiral.
In my angst last night, while I could recognize that there were irrational and over-wrought thoughts in the mix, and a huge lack of gratitude happening in general, the reality was that I was very emotional, very tired, and it was difficult for me to engage very deeply in a meta-cognitive exercise in that moment.
But today I can, and in the spirit of mindfulness, I'd like to devote a day each week to celebrating awesomeness in my life and in the world around me. Because I *do* have so much good in my life, and I am truly thankful.
Everything is still new here in this {blog} space, so I'm going to try out a series in which I reflect on the truly remarkable things in my life or around me in the world. I want to name my gratitude and give it a place to spread out, to really spend time with it, and share it here.
Today I am thankful for my body, for its ability to recover from pain and sickness, for its strength, flexibility, and endurance. I'm thankful that I can move through discomfort and struggle by walking, running, through yoga and hiking outside, by feeding myself good food, by resting in quiet places, and by hugging and holding the people I love. I'm thankful to be in a body that is healthy and can go to new and different places, a body that allows me to explore. I'm thankful that my body experiences the sharp chill of bright winter days, and the soft warmth of wool sweaters. I'm thankful to be warm and safe as I write this, and to imagine the places my body will go in the coming hours, days, weeks.
What are you feeling thankful for today?
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